the wiener mom gets an eyeful

Nothing important today, just an observation about life inside the locker room. Not that I spend all that much time in the locker room, but part of the reason I go to the gym is to shower in peace and without someone ripping open the shower curtain and pointing at my woman parts and laughing (3 year olds, ha, ha, aren't they cute?)

So, I'm in the locker room, just finished my kick ass workout while watching the Colbert Report, not as motivating as Tom Petty, but I forgot the ipod. I have a little extra time and the 2 smaller wieners are safely ensconced in the daycare having a blast at someone else's expense, so I decide to try the steam room. Ever been in a steam room? Not talking about a sauna here, I've done that, but a steam room.

In my previous sauna experiences I did not feel as though I was trapped in a stifling mist of mystery. I turned it on and nothing happened right away. Immediate reaction, super this is gonna take forever. Like I have anything better to do, than sit alone in a room that is quiet and child-free. Then all of a sudden with great force the steam comes. Ahhhhh, this is nice and warm and detoxifying, blah, blah... until it's not anymore! Until the steam is so thick I CAN NOT SEE ANYTHING. I can not see the buttons to turn the damn thing off. It is precipitating in my nose. When I breath in I gasp for air. So do I get up and blindly try to find the door? No, I wonder, how long am I supposed to sit here for? Is it working yet?

Finally I stagger towards the light which I'm pretty sure is the outside, normally humidified world. I know that next to the door are the buttons to TURN IT OFF. I do manage to find the buttons and press the power button. The great steam machine stops adn I go for the door. IT WON'T OPEN. I feel like I'm going to die in a Bond movie, except that the steam has been turned off and oops, the door opens the other way.

After my refreshing/terrifying steam, I shower and dress and go to dry my hair at the wall of mirrors. There is another woman there, probably 55 or 60. I saw her working out on the treadmill, hey, nothing wrong with a leisurely stroll. She was drying her hair while wearing a towel. I went about my business, drying away. Her dryer stopped and I saw her adjust her towel out of the corner of my eye.

Now, in the locker room, you expect PG, towel covering all important bits, and you expect X, total nudie (hopefully drying off and then dressing). What you do not expect is R-Rated for a LONG period of time. As she adjusted her towel, she forgot to include her boobs. So now anything above the under-breast area is flapping in the breeze. But, she's not done styling. She's going to curl, spray, curl and spray some more. She's gone to apply several layers of makeup, with her boobies just swinging away.

I don't get it. I don't get the level of comfort with one's own body that allows a person to complete their entire hair/makeup routine topless. YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR OWN HOME.I DO NOT NEED TO SEE YOUR BREASTS FOR MORE THAN SAY, A MINUTE. I know it's a locker room, but put the girls away if they don't really need to be out.