the wiener mom and roger the singing cowboy

Ahhh, nothing says late January to me like a (pseudo) cowboy singing Christmas carols really badly. Hey, just because you wear wranglers and one of those bolo ties doesn't mean you're authentic. Let me explain...

A few weekends ago, little wiener and I headed over to Grandma's nursing home for a "winter party". We were going for the sole purpose of socializing with Grandma (who's almost 90); not, I repeat, not for the entertainment. Had I known the caliber of the entertainment at the winter party, I may have reconsidered my trip. Hey, I'm not trying to be mean, but I hope they didn't pay for the services of Roger, the singing cowboy. Little wiener and I arrive to meet up with mom, dad and grandma and the show is already underway. I should have turned back then.

First of all, in my opinion, Christmas music season ends on January 1, no exceptions. Did they not think that the elderly ladies (no wieners) would notice that CHRISTMAS HAD PASSED? I find this borderline offensive. What's wrong with offering some other type of music, like love songs, or songs from the 40's (they dig that stuff). To make matters worse, Roger had located karaoke versions of tens of carols set to a country twang. 90 year old women, not so much into the country scene. All they really wanted to do was dance, well like 2 of them. My grandma was sitting there shaking her head and "tutting" at the audacity of Roger. She's kind of a live performance snob. The lady in front of her was talking to her son at what can only be described as a very loud stage whisper, "That's Dolores' daughter over there in the blue. Nice of her to come. Of course your sister didn't come. She's very busy I'm sure." One lady was asleep with her head on her knees and countless others were drifting off. The guests of these elderly were just trying their darnedest not to make eye contact with Roger as he swaggered around the community room with his microphone and his cowboy hat. If he made eye contact with you, it was over, he was coming for you. If you were female he was holding your hand for an uncomfortable amount of time and swaying and if you were male, well count yourself as one of the lucky ones.

The pinnacle of the show had to be his attempt at becoming Alvin the Chipmunk by putting on a pair of generic animal ears and talking in a sad falsetto. I think you'd be hard pressed to find one of the residents who even knew who Alvin the Chipmunk was. They probably thought he was one of those doped up kids.

Now, had this show been 30 minutes, it would have been bearable, even dare I say, amusing. But, Roger had no intention of not giving us our money's worth (it was free), so he sang and swaggered for an unbelievable hour and 15 minutes. Perhaps this doesn't sound like too much time to you. Perhaps this sounds altogether enjoyable and I have no appreciation for the finer things in life. I suggest then that you find a holiday episode of the Lawrence Welk show, pop it in the VCR and tie yourself to a chair. Oh, with a squirmy baby on your lap. Fun, huh?