the wiener mom is, among other things, conflicted

I'm in a bit of a philosophical, personal pickle of sorts. That last 10 pounds of baby weight is weighing me down, both literally and figuratively and Weight Watchers is calling my name (again). It's not that it's really that hard (in theory): you go online, it figures out all the point values of all the things you eat. It gives you recipe ideas and "helpful tips". It's really all very simple; except for the fact that YOU'RE HUNGRY! I should learn to eat less, and more fruits and vegetables (I'm like a child, I really am). We don't eat a lot of fatty things here in wiener world. I cook everything, we don't go out much, I'm a big fan of Cooking LIght. But... I love food. I love to cook for people; delicious things (I make a mean penne with vodka sauce and the best homemade brownies in the world...mmmm... I digress).

I was on Weight Watchers for two weeks a month ago, and I lost 4 pounds, but it was hard. At first it was all very exciting; I'm a stickler for rules, so the points thing is really fun for me (for awhile). But, then it gets old and I give it up. It comes down to the question: do I really want it bad enough?
Hmmm...
1. Would love to wear much of my wardrobe again.
2. see cute young things in leggings and am VERY jealous.
3. Should be eating healthier.
4. It's only 10 pounds.
5. done it before and wasn't that bad.
But...
1. done it before and it wasn't that much fun.
2. It's only 10 pounds.
3. am eating pretty healthy already (mostly)
4. daddy wiener thinks I'm sexy just the way I am.
5. will have to work to keep it off for the rest of my life.
6. am super exercising machine (4 days a week).
And then there's this...
A therapist I once saw said this about body image crap:
Our bodies are like furniture. Would you rather collapse into a soft, cushy sofa, or a hard wooden bench? All our children are looking for in the end is a soft place to land. I don't know if that's the wisest advice, but I couldn't help but think of it yesterday. Middle wiener had a big couple days with a train trip to Chicago and was very tired. He never naps anymore, but he fell asleep next to me on the porch swing. I scooped him up and cuddled him on my lap and he rested his head on my (plentiful) bosom. It was indeed a soft place to land and it felt good to provide it.

So in the end, I like my life the way it is, but at the same time I hate seeing that flab in the mirror and squeezing into those jeans from my old (pre-little wiener) life. I love cooking and baking for the people I love (and me too!), but I'm tired of being a blob. I would love to have faith that it will come off in it's own sweet time, but how long can I wait? See- conflicted.