the wiener mom has turned into THAT MOM

It has happened. I have become that mom. You know the one. The mom with no control over her children in public. The mom that hisses empty threats in the grocery store. The one that looks like she hasn't slept in days, weeks, months maybe. The mom that makes you sigh in both pity and mild disgust. I have become that mom. I'd have to say that the onset of this particular condition had to have coincided with summer break. Now up from 2 wieners to 3, the initial shock was enough to slow the progression, but here it is now the end of July and I am THAT MOM.

Things that used to be remotely possible with 3 wieners have become 100% impossible with 2.
Example: grocery shopping.
Grocery shopping was no fun, but doable. Shove a donut in a wiener's face and you've got at least 30 minutes of peace. Yea, yea, I know. What about a bag of Cheerios? How about some delicious apple slices? Nothing shuts a wiener up like a donut. with frosting. and sprinkles. (It's not me talking now, it's THAT MOM). Although I tried to avoid it, there were days during the school year where I would take 3 wieners to the grocery store after Big wiener got home from school. Doable. Not fun, mind you. A mild form of torture.

Now? Big wiener is with his reading tutor and Middle and Little and I have to get groceries. We have one hour from drop off to pick up. The list isn't too extensive. The store is 5 minutes from the tutor. Doable? hell no.

Where a donut used to last 30 minutes, now I'm lucky if I get 10. So, they're done licking the frosting and sprinkles off of the donut (maybe just a bowl of frosting and sprinkles next time...)and then they just ride nicely in the cart.

Can I get a hell no? This particular store has the most adorable and ingenious carts. On the front of each cart is a car, so wieners can "drive" themselves and the cart around the store. Fun, huh? good for like 10 minutes right? Once again, give it to me (chorus: hell no) Little wiener sees some food he wants and attempts a Dukes of Hazard style exit. Middle wiener and Little wiener can drive the car together for about 5 minutes before the shoving starts. Suddenly they're all up in each other's business and have to be seperated.

So, Little wiener takes his seat in the traditional child seat, by the handles and by the mommy. Should work out better, yea? One last time, chorus. Every piece of food that goes into the cart (PACKAGED, mind you) he wants to eat. He can't. He screeches. Now he attempts his Duke Brothers exit from about 3 feet higher in the air.

At least we're at the check out now, right? Right? No! New checker training! THAT MOM has now become THAT ORNERY WOMAN WHO CAN'T WAIT. I am now holding Little wiener in my arms, where he has somehow twisted himself into an upside down postition, so I put him down, he proceeds to get run over by the cart, driven by none other than Middle wiener (who else?) We finally pay and have purchased so many groceries that wieners must now walk or be carried. We all know how that goes. "Mr. slowest walker in the free world" and "Mr. carry me upside down if you must".

The fun has only just begun, because guess what? I forgot to purchase a third donut for Big wiener who has conveniently missed all the good times. He can see from the chocolate covered faces of his brothers that donuts (or the top layer of donuts) have been consumed. Temper tantrum ensues.
Here's the best part of all, now I have to unload the groceries and put them away!

P.S. I can't even begin to describe what it's like to take all three of them to the pool. But here's a direct quote:
Old Lady who can't possibly believe that I have a effing clue what my children are doing, as Little wiener walks away: You're losing one!
The wiener mom who has mastered the corner of the eye mom-o-vision thing: Yea, I know there are just too many of them.
Old Lady: [shock]